I Find Myself Longing For India...

spirituality Jan 22, 2020


A vulnerable share from my heart to yours.


I notice myself these last few weeks... longing for India.

After 5 years of travelling around the world I am quite certain in my knowing that no geographical location provides me any salvation. Wherever I go — there I am. 

So I started to investigate.

What is this longing for India I can feel coursing through me?


And I found it.


India to me represents … the simple times.


No money.

No plans.

No business.

Just a blog and a YouTube channel ... and a body to heal.


I was recovering from not only an endocrine disorder called PCOS but also from some pretty serious adrenal fatigue.


My body was so weak that I was napping twice a day for the entire 6 months I lived there.


My days were on repeat.


Morning yoga.


Grocery store.


Feed my favourite cows, and play with some dogs.

Ganga river for a meditation.

Then back to sleep.



Chronic fatigue, despite the mind wanting to fight it and make it wrong, was a beautiful experience.


It was my first ever permission slip to slow down and be present every single second of my day.


Healing was all that mattered. Healing kept me deeply present. It was as though I was having to care for a small child whose survival needs were my only priority.


Life was simple because I had absolutely nothing to lose.


I had sold all my things and no longer had homes in Sydney or New York.

I left my partner.

I had a “finite” amount of money in my back account.

I was living off about $10 a day, trying to make my dwindling savings account last as long as possible.


But there I was...


Deeply present.

Deeply happy.

It was just me and God.


Life now looks very different from those days. I live in a huge house. I drive a beautiful car. I run a successful coaching business. Life is overflowing with abundance in every way.


Yet I notice myself... future tripping.

Living in concepts of the mind, more than the present moment.

Sometimes worrying about truly silly things.


It’s hard to admit this as I have a pattern of wanting to appear “perfect”… but that’s just total bullshit we all need to let go of.


I’ve realised… the more we try to “make” something of our life by controlling and planning… the more we lose the truth of what we came here to experience.


There is so much self-empowerment talk right now, especially as a conscious entrepreneur all you hear about is “how to master manifestation”, “how to build a 6-figure business”, “how to work on your 5 year goals.”


Each to their own, all the power to you if you’ve totally transformed your life with this empowerment stuff… all i’m saying is the lesson I am being forced to learn again and again is that the more I live in conceptuality and the world of ideas, the more I seem to miss out on the moment of life.


The questions is...

Can we have both?


Can we have a bunch of visions of the future but still live in the present moment?


Yes… but to believe our mind can conjure even 0.0001% of the level of joy, love, abundance and excitement that is in store for us when we surrender to the spontaneity of the present moment… would be complete madness.


Mind can only create based upon what it knows.

God creates from the infinite source of all experiences.


I write this post not to preach, but to heal another layer of my own heart.

To dissolve more fearful thoughts that are convinced planning is going to keep me safe.

To surrender more deeply into the void of the unknown.


To learn how to live simply, without having to renounce my possessions once more.


So let’s play shall we….




...There is always India. 😉





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